Mail-it-in Friday: What's your fantasy football team name for 2015?
It's coming.
The excitement is building now that NFL training camps are well under way. Because when players start practicing, that means it's time for:
FANTASY FOOTBALL, Y'ALL!
The crown jewel of make-believe is here to enrich our lives and ruin friendships for the next six months. And quite frankly, I can't wait to pick up where I left off: cursing at the TV, asking FOX Fantasy expert Ryan Fowler for advice (and then ignoring it because I'm stupid) and blaming all my losses on someone who had nothing to do with it.
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Yep, it's the best time of the year. So, let's get in the spirit! Pitch me your fantasy football team names for 2015 and I'll give your offerings a letter grade.
OK, let's get to work!
NAMING CONVENTION
Screech Diddy,
@RealSidSaraf For Whom Odell Tolls #FoxMailbag
— Screech Diddy (@ScreechDiddy) August 5, 2015All five of you who follow this mailbag on a weekly basis know that I have a blood feud with Screech Diddy. He's optimistic, helpful and has the most disturbing Twitter avatar this side of Lebanon. I've begged and pleaded with him to change it, yet he clearly isn't listening.
And yet ... I respect the hell out of him. Screech, your team name brought up memories of Hemingway and Metallica at the same time. That's not something I'm just going to gloss over.
Congratulations dude, you got this mailbag started with an A+ offering. Your avatar still gets an F.
Robert,
@RealSidSaraf #FoxMailbag Aaron It Out
— Robert (@RPicone93) August 5, 2015I was going to mock you for this name. I really was. Mainly because I had no idea which Aaron you were talking about. Rodgers? Hernandez, maybe? How am I to know, huh?
I visited your profile page to try and crack the code and I found no clues. Then ... I saw this:
Good god, man. That is an absolute stroke of genius. You, my friend, are on to something there.
So, I give you a D+ for your fantasy team name, but your proposed punishment for Tom Brady gets a resounding A+++++. Kudos to you!
Garrett,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX geno 911 #FoxMailbag
— Garrett Hirschberg (@GarrettStats) August 5, 2015Wow. We've got a bunch of A students this week. No joke, I LOL'd when I read Geno 911 because I would love to see this show -- with the cast of Reno 911! involved.
Wouldn't you kill to see what Lt. Dangle would do to a football uniform?
This needs to happen. Thank you, Garrett. Take your A grade as a token of thanks.
Jay,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX my new team name since I'm a big @Lions fan " all Johnson no Bush"#FoxMailbag
— Jay Taff (@jaytaff77) August 5, 2015Excellent work.
I would be all about Calvin Johnson if I was a Lions fan. He's clearly an elite option at wide receiver and anyone would be lucky to have him on their squad. In fact, I wish I could build a football team made up of nothing but players like Calvin Johnson.
And I see what you did there with the "No Bush" part. After all, Reggie Bush is not a member of the Lions anymore as he signed with the 49ers this past offseason. It makes sense that you would refer to the Lions as being without Bush.
Therefore, I'm going to give your All Johnson and No Bush name a .... WAIT A MINUTE!!!
You think I'm stupid?!! I know what you're trying to do. Hey, Monkey, what do you think of Jay's team name?
Exactly. Here's a C- for your filthy mind (just kidding, that name is awesome. A-).
Justin,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX The Deflater
— Justin burdick (@justinb2288) August 5, 2015Just a matter of time before we ran into a Deflategate name. Justin, you can do better. I believe in you.
By the way, I think the guy called himself the "Deflator". So, minus more points for the spelling error.
You get a solid D.
Knee-Jerk,
See, Justin? That's how you make a Deflategate joke. Nicely done.
Knee-jerk gets a solid B.
Steve,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX Romocopland
— Steven Vega (@BugsyMaroon) August 5, 2015That's not bad. I liked both "Robocop" and "Copland". I'm also fond of Tony Romo. Sue me, I think he got hit with a bad rap over the years.
But I dunno, when you combine all three of those things, I'm just not feeling it. It's like listening to a Buckethead album. Sure, the man can shred the guitar, but ... somehow I'm not impressed and I'm not into it.
Steve, the pieces are there for something great. But until then, gonna have to hand out a C+.
Amanda,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX #FoxMailbag The Blind Squirrels
— Amanda Davis (@cowboysfan1983) August 5, 2015Uhhh.
Not sure where you're going with this name. I went ahead and Googled "The Blind Squirrels NFL" to make sure I wasn't missing some football reference.
Turns out I wasn't. However, the second search result took to me to the Wikipedia page for Rod Graves.
In case you didn't know, Graves is currently the Senior Vice President of Football Administration for the NFL. He previously spent time working for the Arizona Cardinals and New Yorks Jets.
But did you also know that Graves was once named by Sports Illustrated as one of the 101 Most Influential Minorities in Sports in 2003? What's more, Black Enterprise singled him out in 2005 as one of the 50 Most Powerful Blacks in Sports.
I did not know that. Thank you, Wikipedia. Thank you, Google, even though I don't know what Rod Graves has to do with a blind squirrel.
And thank you, Amanda, for increasing my base of knowledge. If someone comes up to me at a cocktail party and wants to talk about Rod Graves, I'll be able to speak in an intelligent manner.
You get an A, even though your name has nothing to do with football. :)
TC,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX "the porcelain brown bombers" lol
— TC (@Tcousler) August 5, 2015That's funny. You're dogging on the Browns by making a poop joke. OK, I can dig it.
However, you said "lol" at the end of your tweet. I don't like it when people laugh at their own jokes. Booo, dude. Boooooooo. What is this, an open mic night at some yuk yuk comedy club?
D+ for the self-love.
Jeff,
Nice!
I wonder what the Great CornJulio would look like. Actually, I asked the FOXSports.com photo department and they were nice enough to make your dream a reality.
And here it is:
Gotta love the Great CornJulio. You get an A+.
Robby,
@NFLonFOX @RealSidSaraf #FoxMailbag Chutes and Latimers
— Robby Snyder (@RobbySnyder) August 6, 2015Props for being on the ground floor of the Cody Latimer movement. You have scored many hipster points for being a fan before all the posers show up.
Enjoy your B grade.
Anthony,
Right on ... I guess. I like that you turned Megatron into Meowgatron. I even think the addition of Meow Mix bag is a nice touch.
But since you referenced Megatron, why did you use a photo of Brian Hartline as your base image?
Excellent idea, but ultimately this project was doomed by poor execution. Just like the Fantastic Four movies. Shame.
I gotta give you a C-.
Michael,
@RealSidSaraf #FoxMailbag Rollin up a Blount
— Michael Palmertree (@thepalmertreeee) August 6, 2015That's right, son. Recognizable player name with a topical twist. Good stuff.
But a little on the nose wouldn't you say? My inner hipster can't give you anything better than a B-.
Froy,
#FoxMailbag The New England Floats
— Froy El Fuerte (@bigonyou) August 6, 2015Ooooh! Wait, I don't get it. And I'm not doing research to find out the meaning. It's way too late in this mailbag for research.
D!
Screech Diddy,
@RealSidSaraf And the always classic Witten Mittens #FoxMailbag
— Screech Diddy (@ScreechDiddy) August 5, 2015Why are you back? Looking for extra credit? Hit the road, Screech!
And take this extra F grade with you on the way out. You're killing all the goodwill you built up earlier. And put some clothes on!
JP,
Hahahaha.
The team name actually isn't funny. It just pleases me when the 49ers catch grief because my fellow NFL editor James Parziale is such a super fan.
The Niners are beyond old and I can't take them seriously. Just a bunch of fugazis.
Oh, I need to give JP a grade. Fine ... C, I guess. I dunno.
Aaron,
@RealSidSaraf @NFLonFOX #FoxMailbag It Ertz when Eifert
— Aaron Dartez (@AaronDartez) August 5, 2015I saved the best for last.
Say it with me: It Ertz when Eifert. It hertz when eyefert. It hurtz when Ifert.
IT HURTS WHEN I FART!! Do you get it?
STANDING OVATION FOR AARON! HE GETS ALL THE A'S KNOWN TO MAN!
A+++++++++++++++++++++++ FOR YOU!!
Alrighty, folks. We ended on a high note for once this week. See you guys next time!
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